I am behind on some posts and have some fun pictures coming, but I had to do a quick post about some not-so-fun things going on right now. We have a great life, I don't mean to complain. But we also have to keep it real too. I have to record the good with the bad, the pretty with the ugly, so that years from now, when we read our blog book family journal, we can see how we came through things.
The biggest ordeal right now is about our sweet dog, Crystal. She has been such a sweet dog. She is so gentle with the children. She has never bitten, snapped, growled or even barked since we have had her these past 5 years! We took her in after she retired from being a sled dog in Alaska. She has ran the Iditerod a few times and is a sprint dog champion. She has lead a long and full life and has seen a lot. We love her. She is now nicknamed "Granny-dog" because she is about 13 years old.
She has been worrying us lately though. She has been losing weight, even though she still eats and poops tons! Her body is not keeping on the weight, or absorbing the calories, or something. She has lost 16 pounds in less than a year! She only weights 41 pounds now. The vet says she probably has some form of cancer and it is really pointless to put her through all the tests of finding out exactly which one. It could be skin cancer (she is a light skinned dog and has been in the elements a lot during her life), or bone cancer (her jaw bones are not holding in her teeth and they are starting to fall out) or it could be something like lymphoma. She also has severe arthritis in her joints. The poor thing couldn't even jump up into the low van, I had to lift our usually very active and athletic dog into the van!
She is also so depressed. She use to love to go for runs with me. Now half the time she refuses to even go for a little walk. If I can coax her out and get her leash on her she usually wants to turn back and head home after only a block or two. She cannot do the thing she loves to do, which is run. So she is just sad. She is in too much pain to enjoy it. It is so sad to be around her sometimes.
So the vet told us that she might die in the next few weeks, months or could live for another year or more, but slowly continue to lose weight and die on her own. The whole time she would be dealing with her pain and depression. Yes, we could give her meds daily, but who knows if it would really help. A dog cannot tell you that they need more or that they don't like the side effects. The vet advised us that it isn't a question of whether or not to put her down, but when to put her down. She said that at this point it is a question of her quality of life. We do not like to see her so sad and not being herself. We do not like to see her in pain. But we also cannot bring ourselves to do it. I really wish she, or God, would make this difficult decision for us. Then it would be very sad to lose her, but it wasn't our responsibility and burden to decide when would be the best time.
I think if we had put her down last weekend when the vet told us everything, we would not have had her with us this week. We have had some sweet moments with her this week. She really is such a good dog! I just do not know what to do! It is seriously bumming me out! And worse yet, it is depressing the kids. Nick, especially, is very bummed about it. We all know we need to put her down, but we keep thinking she has a few more weeks in her. But we also would rather say good-bye to our dog in a happy setting, then say good-bye to a dog who is so skinny, sick, and can barely walk, knowing we let her get that bad. I just don't know what to do! I know we have to do this, I just don't know when. Ben and Andrew really love her and would miss her when she is gone. They are around her the most during the day while the kids are in school. Tatiana is very sad about it, but said she doesn't want Crystal to be in pain. She suggested throwing her a "going away party" before she dies. She wants to make her a doggie treat cake frosted with peanut butter! Crystal would love that! It would be one more happy memory to take with her to Heaven. And we have talked about how Uncle Chris loves animals and would take good care of her for us.
Some days she acts better and I think there is no way we can put her down. Other days I think she is about to die on her own any moment because she looks so bad. Right now she is going back and forth. It is so hard to watch. I'll keep you posted...
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