My testimony

I bore my testimony at church today and I would like to also bare it again (A little differently) on my blog since this will be eventually printed off into a book for our children to look back on.

A lot has happened over the past couple years that have tried my faith. I was found by my biological father's family in November 2004 which was a very emotional time for me. After a high risk pregnancy and bed rest our third child was born 8 weeks premature in October 2005. I was taken by ambulance two hours away to a bigger city and he was born by Cesarean and spent two weeks in the NICU. My brother, Christopher, was diagnosed with leukemia and after a brave 9 month battle he died in March 2007. Our little Ben was diagnosed with a speech disability in December 2007 and we now are struggling to help him learn to talk through therapy. Our daughter was diagnosed with sleep apnea and had a surgery on her adenoids and nasal septum in February 2008. Neither of us had slept through the night for over a year! And then I have another high risk pregnancy and bed rest. This time, thankfully we were able to deliver a healthy baby by VBAC only three weeks early in June 2008. Now after three miscarriages and four living children I think our family is finally complete. Then when Andrew was six weeks old he had his stomach surgery in July 2008!

So I was thinking back on all these trials and difficult times. With each event I would pray harder, read my scriptures more, be more grateful for all my many blessings. And then I would realize how much I grew from that particular experience. I thought I saw what the Lord wanted me to see. But then something else would come up and I would find myself on my knees in fervent prayer crying. "What now Lord? What do I have to learn this time? Haven't I humbled myself enough? Am I not doing something right? Isn't there some other way to teach me? Other people are suffering besides me. Why do they have to suffer? What is it that we have to learn?"

Some trials were little in comparison, but when they all added up I was feeling a bit overwhelmed. For example. When my daughter wasn't sleeping and then had her surgery I was in the middle of a high risk pregnancy. When Ben had his speech disability diagnosis (Apraxia) I thought, "Hasn't this poor child been through enough? He defied so many odds and had such a rough start in life. He is so healthy, smart, and happy. Why does he have to have this challenge? And when Andrew had his surgery I thought, "I tried so hard and did everything I was suppose to to keep him inside long enough so that he would be born with a healthy and fully functioning body. What did I do wrong? Why does our sweet little baby still have to suffer?"

So recently as I was thinking back on all of these events in my life I once again asked myself the question, "What am I suppose to be learning?" I know what I have learned. I have learned how to be more humble, how to accept help and allow others to serve. I have learned that our Father in Heaven is very aware of us and is always there for us. I have learned how to listen for answers to my prayers. I have learned that the priesthood power that my husband holds is very real and very strong. I have learned that prayer is a very powerful tool and that our friends and family are here to help us. I have learned that we are not alone. I have learned to count my blessings and recognize the everyday miracles. And as I ponder all that I have learned I have come to a new realization. WE NEVER STOP LEARNING! What all of this "learning" has taught me is that we will never know it all, we will never have all the answers, and we can never get too comfortable. Because just when we get too comfortable and stop reading our scriptures regularly and our prayers become less sincere and we begin to take our blessings for granted, then He will quickly remind us what we need to be doing. So what am I suppose to be learning? The answer is simple; I need to be continuously drawing closer to God. The trials will not stop coming because we will never stop learning. There is too much to learn. That is what we are on this beautiful earth to do, learn. And even though the trials sometimes feel like too much to bare we still need to be grateful for them. Without them we wouldn't learn all we were sent to this earth to.

So I bare my testimony to you that I know God lives and that His Son, Jesus Christ, lives. I am so grateful for the knowledge of the Gospel and the great comfort it gives me. I know that our Father in Heaven is aware of us and loves us. He wants us to succeed because he has given us so much. He has given us the gift of the Holy Ghost to speak to our hearts and minds and help guide us if we will listen. He has given us the priesthood and I have felt it's healing and comforting power. I am grateful for my wonderful family and the opportunity Nathan and I had to be married in the temple so that we can be together forever. I am grateful for our four beautiful children that God has trusted us with. I believe the role of wife and mother to be one of the greatest things I could ever do. I find my greatness, my talents, my passion as I am serving my family and serving with them. As we work, play, laugh, and cry together we are growing closer. What a wonderful plan that God has given to us. I have a testimony of families, of prayer, of the temple, of the priesthood, of our loving Heavenly Father and his only begotten Son.

I leave these things with you and close with a very full heart. In the name of our Savior, Jesus Christ, Amen.