My "Girls' Weekend" with my mom and sisters.

I left home on March 3rd to go to Nebraska for a "Girls' Weekend". My sister, Kim, and I started planing this almost a year ago. We were going to spend the weekend at her new home. Her hubby, Brandon, and her bought this adorable home in this cute neighborhood and have done a lot of work fixing it up, remodeling and decorating it. I was very impressed! My mother and two younger sisters, Holly and Becky, drove down from North Dakota and we all had a fun weekend together. My brother-in-law Brandon cooked for us (he is a very good cook!) We had fun relaxing, watching movies, playing games, shopping, doing our nails, exchanging gifts, and I think the most fun for me was going ice skating and seeing a Hockey game!

Here are my gorgeous sisters and me. (I am not going to include a picture of my mom, only because she isn't comfortable having her picture on the web. But trust me, she's beautiful too!)
Starting with me and going clockwise: Kim (8 years younger than me), Holly (10 years younger), and Becky (12 years younger). As you can see, I am the old lady of the group. I am just glad that they are all finally old enough to do things like this. Now that we are all adults, the age gap doesn't seem as big. I LOVE and ADORE my sisters!


Becky brought her 3 year old daughter, Makella, along. She is such a sweetie and I just love her! Originally she wasn't coming, then when we found out she was, it was too late to bring Tatiana (the airline tickets became too expensive so I didn't even bring it up with Nathan). But then Tatiana broke my heart when before I left she said, "Mom, can I come with you sometime. I don't have any sisters you know." I told her she absolutely could and I reminded her that someday she will have three sisters, just like me! She knew I was talking about future sister-in-laws. She was then wondering, "what if they don't like me, or we aren't close like sisters?" I then reminded her that I told Nick a long time ago that whoever he marries has to be approved by his sister, so she will for sure like her. The same goes with Ben and Andrew.

Let me take a minute to recap a FLASHBACK and explain how that came about because it is really cute! I was talking to a friend of mine once about her teenage daughter. She was talking about how she really "approved" of her daughter's current boyfriend. Nick (9 years old at the time) was in the room and asked me if I will have to approve his girlfriends when he's older. Without missing a beat I said very mater-of-factly, "no, your sister does." You should have seen the huge smile that instantly popped up on Tatiana's face and the color drain from Nick's. It was pretty funny. I then explained that everyone he dates is potentially his future wife and he should choose accordingly. And everyone he dates is a potential future sister for Tatiana so she should have to approve. He understood, but I think Tatiana was more in love with the idea than he was! LOL!

Here is Becky and Makella on the swing. We walked to a park near Kim's house. My mom wanted to walk around the neighborhood and look at all the beautiful homes. So we all went for a walk and talked. Then we came across a park so we let Makella play for a few minutes. Isn't she cute!?


Kim works for the "STORM Hockey Team". They are the Junior Pro team in Nebraska. She is one of the top dogs and only answers to the owner and the manager. She is in charge of getting all the sponsors, bringing in the concerts, selling the suites for the season, things like that. Anything that brings in money for the team. She is very good.

She arranged for us to go ice skating one afternoon at the arena. It was pretty cool to skate on an actual hockey rink! The only down side was they hadn't cleaned up all the blood from practice so we had to skate around spots of blood on the ice, oh well at least it was frozen! We had a great time!

On our last night we all went to a Hockey game. Brandon came with and it was SO MUCH FUN! I hadn't been to a hockey game since high school and I love hockey! Kim's team won by one after tying in two overtimes and finally scoring in the shoot out. It was a close and exciting game. I loved it!

I enjoyed watching Kim in her work environment. Even though she wasn't working that night, everyone kept coming up to her and asking her questions and she was so professional and "in charge". It was fun to watch. My baby sister is all grown up! They all are growing up! Holly is becoming a successful realtor and really enjoys her work. She has only been working for about a year and is already doing very well! Becky is going to school and working. I am proud of all my sisters.

I came home on Sunday, March 6th. That was the three year anniversary of my brother's death. It was really hard to be alone on so much of that day. I had a lot of time to reflect and think about him. The hardest part was being on the plane. You see, Chris died when I was in the air, flying to see him one last time. I got the phone call that he wasn't doing good and quickly made arrangments to leave the next morning. But I didn't make it. When I got off the plane in Oklahoma, two of my sisters, my future brother-in-law, Brandon, and my brother's Army captain, Captian Johnson, were all standing there. One look at their faces and I knew I was too late. I started to sob, Kim, Becky and I just huddled together tightly, sobbing. I felt like all my energy was quickly draining from me and I would slip away myself. I couldn't believe I didn't make it!. But then when I found out exactly when he had passed on, I was actually touched. It happened just before I landed for my 45 minute layover in Dallas. When I got to Dallas, I hurried to my gate and when I got their there was a huge window facing the east and I was stunned by the most gorgeous sunrise I had ever seen! The colors were so magnificent! I can clearly remember it and see it in my mind's eye, but no words could describe it. There were a few other people admiring it as well. I had to tear myself away and board the plane. I hated leaving because at that moment I felt so peaceful, so warm and comforted. It was like being in the temple. The whole world slowed down and the noisy airport seemed to quite. I thought it meant that Chris would be okay, that God was comforting me and letting me know that Chris would be okay. Now I think it was a gift that Chris gave me with God's permission. I wasn't able to see him and say goodbye so Chris gave me one last gift, something just he and I shared. He was comforting me and telling me everything would be alright. He was letting me know that he was okay now and no longer in pain. He was showing his love for me. I will be forever grateful for that gift! Yes, it was very hard to fly home from my sister's this year, but I am so glad I could spend this weekend with them. But I still miss my brother terribly.

March 6th...

The week leading up to March 6th was a very hard one for me. March 6th was the three year mark of losing my brother to leukemia. I hated March 6th, it was the day my brother was prematurely taken from us. It was the day that he passed away while I was in the air, flying to OK to say goodbye, it was the day I didn't get to say goodbye. Three years...three years!!! They say that "time heals"...not really. It still hurts just as much, I still cry just as hard. I just have to continue living...for my family, for me. I want to keep living, this is a beautiful life. A life I wish my brother could have enjoyed more of.

During the week leading up to March 6th things kept on happening that brought back hard memories of that time. For example, I was rotating the boys' clothes. Going through their closets and pulling out the things that are now too small and getting the next size down from the attic. I had gotten the size 4-5 box out for Ben. There it was. The shirt that Nick wore to Fort Sill for the tour that they gave us the day before Chris's memorial service. It was very nice of them to give us this tour, we were able to see where he lived out his last healthy days, see where he was so happy. Why was this shirt in this box?! It is a size 6. I got teary eyed, just a few streamed down my cheeks, and I quickly hid it in the bottom of the pile. Only to have it later found by Ben, "Look mom! A superman shirt! I like it!....see mom, it fits!" I try and fail to have him put it back in the pile. He is so excited about this new shirt he found that I let him have it, even though it really is too big. All day, as I see him in this shirt, I am brought back to 3 years ago and reminded how unfair it all is. I cry, a lot. Things like this kept happening all week...it was just hard.

I woke up on Saturday, March 6th, with a resolution to not have a terrible day. To remember him, but to make him proud of me, proud of my strength. I can do this! Right? We started off going to the church to clean, it was our family's turn to help clean. This was a nice feeling to lovingly care for the Lord's building, the same Lord that is with my brother now.

Then I took the kids to their OSU class and went for a run. I wore my ARMY sweatshirt that my brother's captain gave me in Fort Sill. I felt him running with me. I was running with angels. That was also a good feeling.

Then after coming home, showering, and having lunch with my family. I picked up a few friends and we all went to the temple in Portland. It was going to be my dear friend, Rose's, first time through the temple. It was going to be a beautiful day! I, honestly, was a little nervous. This was to be a very special day for Rose, I didn't want to ruin it by breaking down in tears...or even sobs...in the middle of the temple session. I wanted to be happy, happy for Rose, happy for my brother, happy for our Heavenly Father's glorious plan.

It ended up being a most wonderful day! I am so glad I was able to go with my friends to the temple, so happy I was able to share this wonderful day with Rose. Only wishing my husband could have been there too. Not wishing my brother could be there...because he was! I felt him as real as I could feel my friends sitting next to me. I felt of his love...almost could feel him putting his arm around me, reminding me of his love, telling me it was all okay.

Then I had a most amazing experience. As several of my friends and I were standing in the Celestial room, waiting for Rose to come through the door, I felt an excitement that I can only describe as giddiness! I felt, at that moment, that the veil between this world and the next was so thin. I felt the excitement of our loved ones on the other side, their happiness, their warmth. I new in that moment that they are keenly aware of us and are cheering us on from the other side, helping us when we need them most. Just as I was excited for Rose and the wonderful decision she was making and getting so excited as I knew she was getting closer and I would be able to pull her into my embrace and give her a hug, I know my brother and others are excited every time they see me make a good choice, and they see me getting closer to our Father in Heaven. They too are anxiously waiting to embrace me and say, "you did good!"

That is what it is all about, to do good, to live our lives here so that someday, when our time comes, we can dwell with our Lord and Savior, our Heavenly Father, and our loved ones in that glorious warmth and love that I felt so tangibly in the temple. I KNOW my Savior lives. I KNOW He loves us and wants us to return to Him. And I KNOW that he has provided us with the tools and has shown us the path. It is up to us and the choices we make to take his hand, accept His atonement, and walk down that right path. Of this I testify, in the the name of Jesus Christ, amen!

Now I didn't start off this post with the intent of bearing a testimony but I am so full right now, I just had to! I am so grateful also to Rose, for her decision to go to the temple, for her picking March 6th of all days! For turning March 6th into a day to celebrate with Rose and to remember this wonderful experience, not just the hard one three years ago. Maybe I was wrong...maybe time does heal...if you are moving forward.